What is IELTS ?

The International English Language Testing System (IELTS) examination can be taken in over 100 different countries in the world. It is primarily designed to assess the readiness of candidates to study or train in further or higher education courses held in English at college or university.

• The examination takes 2 hours and 45 minutes to complete, and consists of four Sub-tests in the skills of listening, reading, writing and speaking.

• There are two IELTS test modules available - the Academic Module and the General Training Module. The results of the Academic Module may be used to determine a candidate's suitability for study at undergraduate or postgraduate level. The General Training Module is suitable for candidates wishing to continue their studies at diploma level only. The General Training Module is also used for immigration purposes to Australia or New Zealand, and for students who wish to complete their secondary education in an English-speaking country. The General Training Reading and Writing Sub-tests are less demanding than the corresponding Academic Module Sub-tests, but the Listening and Speaking Sub-tests are the same for both modules.

• It does not matter what subject you are going to study in the future - or have studied in the past - all students taking the desired module do the same test. You will not be tested on your specific knowledge of a subject; only your English language skills are assessed.

• You may write on the question papers, but you may not take the question papers from the examination room. All your answers must be written on the Answer Sheet provided.

• You can apply to take the IELTS examination at any IELTS Administration Centre. For further details of your nearest centre, consult the IDP British Council UCLES IELTS Handbook or refer to the official IELTS website on the Internet.

• At certain IELTS Administration Centres it is possible to choose between a computerised version of the Listening, Reading and Writing Sub-tests (CBIELTS) and the usual paper-based version.

• You cannot pass or fail the IELTS examination. The university or college that you wish to enter will inform you of the overall IELTS Band Score they require for enrolment in the particular course you wish to study. Note that you may also need to achieve a minimum score in a particular Sub-test (often the Writing Sub-test).

• You will be given a mark between 0 and 9 for each of the 4 Sub-tests (there are no half marks in the Writing and Speaking Sub-tests). Your Overall Band Score is an average of the 4 Subtest Band Scores, with fractional scores rounding up or down to the nearest x.0 or x.5 score (with x.25 and x.75 rounding up.)

Therefore, if you score 6.5 in the Listening Sub-test 5 in the Reading Sub-test 7 in the Writing Sub-test and 6 in the Speaking Sub-test Your total score is 24.5 By averaging the scores (dividing the total score 24.5 by 4) in the example above, you would achieve an Overall Band Score of 6.0 (which is 6.125 rounded down).

• You will usually receive your results within two weeks of the date of your test.

• If you want to take the examination again, you must wait a minimum of three months, yet there is no limit to the number of times you can sit for the IELTS examination.

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Facts of Life

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Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.

What we observe is not nature itself -But nature exposed to our method of questioning.
- Werner Heisenberg

STRESS: That confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately needs it.

REALITY: Mans attempt to rationalize the illusions that his mind creates in order to understand the world around him.

Two things worry most people these days: one, that things may never get back to normal; and two, that they already have.

HARRIS'S LAMENT: All the good ones are taken.

John's collateral corollary: In order to get a loan you must prove you don't need it.

One place where you're sure to find the perfect driver is in the back seat.
- Homer Phillips

One of the greatest joys in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

The best thing about getting old is that all those things you couldn't have when you were young, you no longer want.
- Earl Wilson

Most people don't like authority; at lease they don't like other people's authority.

If it looks too good to be true...it probably is.

It isn't your position that makes you happy or unhappy, It's your dis-position.

It has never been determined whether the early bird enjoys the worm as much as the late bird enjoys the extra sleep.

Giving up smoking is like the first week in a nudist camp. You don't know what to do with your hands.

There's one inflexible rule of television: No show is too bad to be run during the summer.
- Phil Dsummer.

If it weren't for the last minute, a lot of things wouldn't get done.

Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?

A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.
- Joseph Weizenbaum

If there is technological advance without social advance, there is, almost automatically, an increase in human misery.
- Michael Harrington

How To Talk To Women

Women are like people. They walk around, breathe oxygen, eat food, enjoy refreshing beverages,they like cute puppies, buy things they don’t need and sometimes, even drive cars. Women are a strange species. As a “penis carrying male” you will never understand them, and therfore, must resort to downloading files like this to figure them out. Lets get started.

1. RULE #1 (The most vital rule of them all) Women do not like people who masturbate in public. They don’t understand it, and probably never will. If you ever want to pick up a woman in public, DO NOT MASTURBATE IN FRONT OF HER. She will not see this as a sign of “affection” but as a “creepy social behaviour.” Keep it in your pants until you get back to your trailer, or parent’s apartment.

2. RULE #2 Girls do not like being bulldozed into sleeping with you. You have to actually form a “Human Connection” with a girl before she will voluntarily sleep with you. If you tackle her in an allyway, and just force it in, she will probably notify the authorities, and suffer lifelong emotional damage.Neither of which helps you achieve your goal.

3. RULE #3 If a girl doesn’t want to sleep with you, you cannot find a text on the internet that will explain how to get said girl to sleep with you. It’s just not going to happen, give up, and play some more World of Warcraft.

4. RULE #4 Women are like human beings. Some of them find certain things funny, and other things offensive. Stay away from what she finds offensive. i.e. If she is against poaching of whales, DO NOT (under any circumstances) show her your stuffed, poached whale collection. She will most likley find it offensive, and therfore, not drop to her knees and suck you off pornstar style.

5. RULE #5 Personal Hygine. Make sure you shower at least once every two weeks. Wash and change your clothing at least 4 times yearly. Believe it or not, women are turned off by a man that smells like bad cheese, and old vinegar.

6. RULE #6 Do NOT try to get her into Aquateen hunger force. Its just not worth the effort.

7. RULE #7 Make sure she knows exactly what you want, but be sensitive about it. Don’t say stupid, insenstive things like “I want to take you home and ravage you.” That just lets her know you’re a meathead jerk. Say things like “I want to go back to your place, and put my erect penis into your vagina, for the purpose of enjoyed copulation, not for the purpose of offsping.” She will understand where you are coming from, appreciate the honesty, and know your intentions. It’s best to put this line out there in the first 3-4 minutes you are speaking to her.

8. RULE #8 Do not, under any circumstances, punch her in the throat. Girls see this as an act of violence. They can’t breathe afterwords, and begin to question your real intentions. Remember, you downloaded this guide so you could learn what your “true intentions” are. Not so you could read something short, and use it to manipulate people.

9. RULE #9 Protection. It’s best that you are wearing a condom when you enter a bar. You should let girls know this. They’ll understand that you care about safe sex, and take all precausions.

10. RULE #10 Girls wear provocative clothing so you will come up and talk to them. They look like they are having a great time with their friends, but they want you, an awkward social reject to come up to them and say something insincere like “I respect you as a person.” That just makes them melt.

11. RULE #11 You are hardwired as a male to reproduce, you already know everything you need to in order to have sex with a girl. You just can’t be afraid of rejection. You’ll get rejected 100’s of times, but eventually, you’ll figure it out. Be yourself, don’t be afraid to make an ass out of yourself, but don’t do anything too stupid…

There you have it, please post all your thanks and praise to ELDEEDER on demonoid. He is the master pimp of bit-torrent sharing websites, and if you can’t get a girl without his advice, well, youll probably never get a girl with his advice, but at least youll be forced to understand that you’re a social moron, with very few ideas on how to interact with other human beings, and therfore, be forced to do something about it. REMEMBER

Wear a condom and NEVER EVER take your cousin out drinking. Especially if she’s cute…

I must Confess

I have a Dark Secret
I must Confess

I Fly into Your Window
At Night to Watch You Sleep

Protecting You
From Nightmare’s
Midnight Ride

I have a Dark Secret
I must Confess

I hear You Breathe
With Just one Thought

I have a Dark Secret
I must Confess

Whenever, You Call Out
My Name

I can See You
I can Smell You
Where ever You Are

I have a Dark Secret
I must Confess

I make love to You
Each Morning
Without You Ever Knowing It

I have a Dark Secret
I must Confess

You are the Exliar
I need to Relieve
Me from My Pain
Which has flowed Into
Oceans of Time

I have a Dark Secret
I must Confess

I have willed your spirit
To Be With Me
Here at Night

To Hear Me
To See Me
To Love Me
Like You have Loved No
Other

I have a Dark Secret
I must Confess

You are My Deepest Darkest Secret
Haunting Me An Eternity

I Must Confess

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Quotes

Quotes that you might need !

• If you want your dreams to come true, don’t oversleep.
• The smallest good deed is better than the greatest invention.
• Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
• The best vitamin for making friends is B1.
• The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
• Minds are like parachute… They function only when open.
• One thing you can’t recycle is wasted time.
• One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.
• The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.
• Don’t learn safety rules by accidents.
• Jumping into conclusion can be a bad exercise.
• The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime.

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Most Amazing Facts

Amazing Facts:

• Coca-Cola was originally green.
• The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
• The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start
  with ?
• The strongest muscle in t2he body is the tongue.
• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on
  one row of the keyboard.
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
• You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
• It is impossible to lick your elbow.
• People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart
  stops for a millisecond.
• It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
• The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
• If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
• Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.

Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

• If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the
  air, the person died in battle.
• If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of
  wounds received in battle.
• If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
  causes.
• What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
  printers all have in common?

Ans. - All invented by women.

• A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
• A snail can sleep for three years.
• All polar bears are left handed.
• Butterflies taste with their feet.
• Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
• In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
• On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
• Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
• ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
• The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
• The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
• The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
  squirt blood 30 feet.
• Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over
  million descendants.
• Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your
  ear by 700 times.
• The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
• Most lipstick contains fish scales.
• Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

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Internet ?

What is Internet:

A worldwide network of networks. It is also the network of networks that connects the millions computers and More than 100 countries are linked into exchanges of data, news, opinions and thoughts to each other. The Internet is named after the internet protocol standard communications protocol used by every computer on the Internet. The Internet can powerfully leverage your ability to find, manage, and share information. The Internet is the virtual space in which users send and receive email, login to remote computers (telnet), browse databases of information (gopher, World Wide Web, WAIS), and send and receive programs (ftp) contained on these computers.The Internet is a global system of interconnected computer networks that use the standard Internet Protocol Suit (TCP/IP) to serve billions of users worldwide.

How Internets Works:

How does the Internet work? The Internet is a way of connecting links to each other The Internet workings include a technical design and a management structure. The management structure consists of a generally democratic collection of loosely-coupled organizations and working groups with mostly non-overlapping responsibilities. The technical design is founded on a complex, interlocking set of hierarchical tree-like structures like Internet Protocol addresses and domain names, mixed with networked structures like packet switching and routing protocols, all tied together with millions of lines of sophisticated software that continues to get better all the time.

So far this combination or mixer of management and technical structures has worked well, providing the reliable and powerful communication platform on which the rest of the complexity of the Internet is built.

Eccentric of Internets:

Internet service has come a long way since its humble beginnings. Personal and public Internet service makes it easier to get online regardless of where you are. The airline industry, well-known for telling patrons to "turn off all electronic devices," has even bowed to this growing trend, testing Wi-Fi service on flights, according to an MSNBC article. Yet, with so many types of Internet service out there, it can be hard to know which one is right for you. With some basic information about varied services, the process can become much easier for the average consumer.

Types of Internet Services:

As technology grows, so does our need for bigger, better and faster Internet connections.

Dial-up :

Dial-up is the oldest method of Internet access, and it's still around today. Dial-up access remains useful because of its low price. However, in an age of massive MP3 downloading and webcam chatting, the low bandwidth of dial-up renders this service less than desirable for advanced web surfers. Standard dial-up is still about 56 Kilobytes per second. At 56 Kbps, 1 MB of data would take 2.5 minutes to download, according to ConnectMyHighSpeed.com, a site powered by White Fence. A fast 6.0 Mbps cable connection could handle 1 MB in 1.5 seconds.

Cable:

As the name implies, cable Internet service is usually piped into a home via the "Cable TV" cable. The cable must go through a hub or router to properly send Internet signals, requiring in-home setup by the provider---unlike dial-up service, which can be more easily installed directly by the user. Cable provides a number of speeds based on price; however, even if a higher speed is purchased by the consumer, the connection may still be limited if the computer's internal Ethernet card is slow and outdated.

Satellite:

Internet over Satellite (IoS) allows a user to access the Internet via a satellite that orbits the earth. A satellite is placed at a static point above the earth's surface, in a fixed position. Because of the enormous distances signals must travel from the earth up to the satellite and back again, IoS is slightly slower than high-speed terrestrial connections over copper or fiber optic cables.

Wireless Internet Connections:

Wireless Internet, or wireless broadband is one of the newest Internet connection types. Instead of using telephone or cable networks for your Internet connection, you use radio frequency bands. Wireless Internet provides an always-on connection which can be accessed from anywhere — as long as you geographically within a network coverage area. Wireless access is still considered to be relatively new, and it may be difficult to find a wireless service provider in some areas. It is typically more expensive and mainly available in metropolitan areas.